You text every day. You spend weekends together. You have met some of their friends. But ask "What are we?" and the answer is a shrug. Welcome to the situationship, the undefined in-between that has become one of the most common, and most painful, ways young Kenyans date.

As a recent relationships column in The Star argued, investing emotionally in someone without any commitment often ends in heartbreak. Here is why, and what you can do about it.

What a situationship is

A situationship is a romantic or sexual connection with no clear label, no agreed future and often no exclusivity. It can feel like a relationship in every way except the one that matters: neither person has committed.

Why it hurts

  • Unequal hopes: one person often wants more than the other, and hopes that time will change things.
  • No security: without a commitment, you never know where you stand, which feeds constant anxiety.
  • Mixed signals: affection one day and distance the next keeps you hooked and confused.
  • No closure: when it ends, often by slowly fading out or ghosting, there is no clear break-up to grieve, and many people feel they have no right to be hurt.
  • Lost time: months or even years can go into something that was never going anywhere.

How to protect yourself

  1. Know what you want. If you want a committed relationship, admit it to yourself first.
  2. Ask early. A simple "What are we doing?" a few weeks in can save months of guessing.
  3. Believe actions, not potential. If someone keeps avoiding commitment, take that as your answer.
  4. Set a time limit. Decide how long you will wait for clarity before you walk away.
  5. Keep your own life full. Friends, work, hobbies and goals stop one undefined connection from becoming your whole world.

Is it ever okay?

Some people genuinely want something casual, and that is fine when both people are honest and want the same thing. The pain comes when one person's feelings outgrow the arrangement and they stay silent, hoping things will change.

The bottom line: clarity may feel risky, but it is kinder to yourself than living in the grey area. If someone is not ready to choose you, choosing yourself is not giving up. It is protecting your heart.